How Can You Know What’s Up If Your Always Looking down

I sipped my coffee. Joey and I were at McDonld’s. It was one of those McDonalds that is attached via a gas station, so you gotta know its classy. Buy beer, gasoline, and hash browns all under the same roof. Oh, God what was the American dream, seemed so derailed at that moment.

I was apparently staring off into the distance. “Why  are you so unhappy,” Joey asked and I was taken back by this, spilling some coffee on my shoes- startled. “What leads you to believe I am unhappy?”

“Max you look like your depressed- you have this sad blank face.” That was not something I was aware of. Not only was my inward feelings being reflected in my face and body language, but I had not a clue that this was occurring.

“Just tiered,” says I. It was true- I was tiered- but its funny how I only tell the truths I want known. We all do that. Joey continued,

“Max smell the air! Look at the sky! Feel the wind! Your alive!” I nodded my head and I truly was lucky. Despite everything, here I was smoking a cigarette and drinking a cup of coffee. Pretty fucking amazing. From where I came from and to where I am going.

Joey told me once, “You chose to be happy.” I did not agree with him at first, but in the whole grand scheme of life, a person does get to chose to be happy. Yet, playing devils advocate, according to members of the APA 1 out of 4 Americans suffer from a mental illness. (I am waiting until they label us all as mentally ill and it becomes the new norm) Maybe the APA should of released guidelines saying, “1 out of 4 Americans are choosing not to be happy.” Does this make sense? Perhaps a tad. Perhaps a tad not.

Point in all of this- yes I do miss something- the beat of another heart and I am not alone- but at the same time I am- I am alone. Through it all I will be a trooper and smile. Because there are endless possibilities and my favorite part is that- I get to chose one of these endless possiblities. We all have endless possibilities- grab hold of it!

Tick Tock

Within the Fog of the appetence’s breath,

Within a rainbow of a brilliant brights,

Within the tree that a Dove nests in its bliss,

Within the whirling of the wind harnessed water,

Charles sits.

Salty blue eyes dripping into natures lagoon.

“Grow  the Fuck up!” Bobby yells at him.

He flicks his cigarette at Charles, but it falls short.

It seemed as if everything was falling short.

“Life aint a bed a roses Charles,” Bobby says.

“But we did- we loved each other- I loved her- how could she? Why would she say such a thing?” Charles was wailing now.

Bobby shook his head as he lit another cigarette.

He inhaled and rolled his eyes,

“How many God Damn times do I have to tell you Charles!”

“I Say how many God Damn times!”

“Love is for the simple minded!”

He cleared his throat and spit into the water.

“Moron,” Bobby spoke but to who?

Charles cheeks were turning mad with passion and he stands.

“Have you a heart Bobby?” Charles nose was running.

“Fuck my heart!” Bobby cursed.

“That is exactly what I thought.”Charles said calmly

Then the wind carried Charles words of truth, “Bobby maybe you should be the one crying.”

Charles kept his gaze on Bobby who’s eyes nervously fidgeted and turned to the ground.

Love is not  what one makes of it but who two make of it.

The precise problem.

Nevertheless, for Charles love exists in a world that is mad but all the same- it exists

He acknowledges love.

Who couldn’t love the feel of two heart beats?

Maybe that is what Bobby hates the most- he is missing a heartbeat

Hurt

Pain

Disillusioned

One heartbeat is the epitome of emptiness.

Friend, do you wonder why your empty?

The saddest part is that Bobby understood Charles’s pain as much as any man could,

and if he only offered solace to his best friend,

but that would mean admitting two beats- well two beats-

he has only one now.

For some that is not easy to admit.

Losing a heartbeat,

A lost heartbeat is buried in the graveyard of Bobby’s mind.

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